and god   not me

I am only a person

like any other

cursed to witness

my mother’s suffering

to watch now from the ground

relieved to no longer be on her back

and having been on her back

to grieve both for how I burdened her

and for how she never let go

of that stupid rock

and when they were enslaved he meant to step in  raise

hell fire   smite   and plague but then lifting his fist  

he heard them    cries that hooked something

he hadn’t felt till then   or if he had felt   had tried

not to feel   to deny   as humans deny themselves

thinking it will make them good—but

having no need for goodness   he just

stood there   tightening his fist so that the nails

spoke crescents into his palms  

while the music took him    you think

he hated negroes   but I swear he favors them

hated the brutality really   closed his eyes

so he wouldn’t have to see it happen   same way he did

when they were dragging his son bloody   onto the cross

when they were dragging his son bloody

behind the pick up truck   the crowd gathering

along the side of the road and around the tree

waiting to get their piece    god didn’t bother pretending

he would cut the boy loose or even that he should  

he had become practiced in cruelty and knew

how this boy’s mother could sing a church down

if she was hurting good enough and god had been hurting

for her to loose even one good wail and doesn’t everyone

deserve a treat?  would you feel better

if I said he had a hell warming for the crowd

who cheered as the boy begged for his life?    

what precisely do you want from a father

determined to beat his own wickedness from his child?

SkyDaddy a bum ass nigga a no child support paying

ass nigga just the absentiest father I mean nigga had mary

scrambling to find a husband to explain the bump popping

like a planet beneath her breast had shorty squatting

over hay screaming while the sheep bay and the ox shit

and she shit and not a midwife in sight to clean her up

or catch that poor baby jesus falling out with the breeze

cutting through the barn like to shiver him to death

and his daddy supposed to be all powerful

SkyDaddy must’ve really hated the mother of his child

and his child to be that negligent and that’s the nigga

I’m supposed to get up early every Sunday to stump for?

I swear you holy hoes must like being on your knees

cause SkyDaddy sure do keep you there

bid me at thy thrown of mercy find a sweet release

—from Pass me not O gentle savior

kneel and let skydaddy keep you

bound deep in contrition

let him wind his rope limb

to torso   take his bit

bite down and be reigned in

you have been wild

bad even   now lower your eyes

and meditate on your filth—

you are bottomless

a hole eager for its filling  

be thee filled with his spirit

ridden from mercy to mercy

grace to grace   be thee

saved from your unbelief

waiting for the best treats from the table

Jesus knelt at David’s feet while he ate

opening his mouth like a good boy

each time David offered him food

from his fingers   when Jesus’ knees

went to sleep under his body’s pressure

he would lean into the pain  

feel his legs flutter—filled to the brim

with trapped stars flickering

their light away inside his muscle—

if you asked Jesus to describe devotion

he would paint this exact scene

his legs fading to black   his mouth

open to receive whatever his king offered

even when I top I bottom

I fulsome with gifts you have to fuck

out of me  name tame and make me

your pet   don’t think I’ll work for it  

from the bottom I top   I moan you

into giving me exactly what I wan’t

and I wan’t baby oh yes I wan’t—

that strap is so big so deliciously dicky

may as well have a brain at the tip

the way its tapping all the right spots

ticking every one of my boxes check check

I’m not waiting to cum so don’t ask

just keep steady baby—go on push me

we’re so  so very close—

left of my mind

I sit beneath the right hand of god

at Jesus’ feet like a cat only pretending

at humbleness    still given to devotion I purr

and move between his ankles

begging for any hint of affection

Men being men   god the father and Jesus

talk over me and I steal secrets like a slave

thinking bout burning the house down

Jesus bends to stroke his hand along my spine

and his fire is there

shut up in my bones

now you see me hissing and shouting

like a thing possessed and I am

a prophet struggling to transmute

the power of the lord

into something bite sized and sweet

so that you too might eat

typa man who thinks he’s in love

after one good fuck and is

all over town with anyone sweet enough

to smile and say I need you—

still   let him sing your praises for a night—

spread and let him drink till his thirst

governs your body    let him tease you apart—

no use now in being held together—

come undone then let him beg to be inside you

like it’s his first time after a million first times  

accept him   not so you might end his suffering

but because it fills your need   makes your body

the body of christ   his only salvation from the will

of the flesh    be anointed by the fusion of sweat

and know its you who is holy    your lust the cleansing fire  

the abolition of hell on earth    let him thank you  

let him kiss your feet   and sweetly pray in your name  

amen