Donkey Kong is a very busy man. How busy, you ask. His job is to run through the jungle every day and punch all of his enemies or his empire will fall into the sea. Now that’s busy. No one envies him, running, punching the air, crying, why are you making me do this. Even the coconuts left around for respite say something hurtful to him. Donkey Kong goes to bed around 9:30 and gets up at 5:00 am.

Bigfoot would like you to know that they are asexual, and that all Bigfoots come from the same place. There is a hole in the universe outside of Olympia, Washington, which looks like a pothole to the naked (human) eye. All Bigfoots are of one mind and have the same mother, which is not really a mother, but is like a mother in that it is beautiful and a point of origin. They do not give birth or have sex, but they do have feelings that can be hurt when you make assumptions about them. Think about this the next time you are driving on a dark road out west, that pothole you just clattered over could be someone’s mother . . .

Get a weapon. Don’t give it a name. Its name is Unknowable. When you think you’ve decided what to do with it, keep deciding. A weapon is a shape you see in the clouds. A weapon is like the ocean. You are fortunate. Be friendly. Wave to your neighbors. Go home every night to your weapon.