Jenny Qi

Girl / Guāi 乖

In Lisbon I bought boba from a girl who looked twelve, maybe  

a small fifteen. We speak Mandarin and I hear her obedience.

乖 we praise the child who does what she is told / works          

the family business / fills out forms her parents can’t read /

earns her keep / makes herself useful / dutiful / demure.  

乖 we praise the child who follows rules / anticipates needs /

keeps quiet / keeps to herself / keeps secrets / keeps unseen

and unheard / respectful / well-behaved / docile / obedient.

Google translates 乖 to “good.”

Only an obedient daughter is good.

My father said I was a bad daughter

when I did not obey absolutely.

The girl in the boba shop is maybe still good / a pleasure            

to have in class / does what’s expected / doesn't ask why /                    

feels indebted to her parents for keeping her alive.

乖 we praise the girl who will make a good wife / good
daughter / good carer / good maid / good server / good
worker / good breeder / good ant / good lamb / good corpse.

乖 we praise the woman who lets everyone else eat first /

supports her husband / supports her child / supports her parents / supports her

in-laws / saves nothing for herself.  

In high school I asked my mother why she was deferential        

to an old man who insulted her / why she sent money to her

brothers / why she felt guilty / why she did not leave.  

I don’t remember her answer or if she was silent.

乖 we praise a woman who is silent.

乖 we praise a woman who complies.  

   

A dead woman is silent.

Is a dead woman good?

乖 I was praised only

when I did something I did not want to.  

Obedience is to bury yourself.