i think the place i stopped for pizza and a mocktail before the movie actually served me a cocktail. i feel flushed and upset in my body. nic and i are going on a trip together next week and i can’t wait. nic sent me a poem during class today about wanting to be inside me with my legs wrapped around them. i think i’m going to ask them if they want to bring their strap to shenandoah, or at least over to my place friday night. when i sent alexis the vacation poem she said i should call it “nic and i plan a honeymoon.” last session my therapist told me if i want to be more present i need to attend to the parts that are pulling me away from the moment. right now, watching drive-away dolls at amc fashion district by myself, i think i want to be a little more sober. to be fertile enough for nic to knock me up.