Of course I want to break the pattern. Of course I hate upsetting balance. Do I have two personalities? Yes, sometimes even five. Some days, like today, I am all of them and all of the places they want to be. And everybody makes me nobody, nobody nowhere.

I am doing my best and standing still. Asking myself how a rock can be more than a ripple. I stand at the bank and look at reflections. I turn a pebble in my hand and visualize skimming it, the way my parents taught me when I was younger.

I look away before it sinks. I turn it over in my fingers. I do nothing. I do nothing. I become a statue and the sun is setting. I think I can control it. I think it sets when I think about you. I think about you

—all the time.